my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
