She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
