after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
