My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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