if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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