im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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