Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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