No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
