Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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