happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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