She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
