Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You've changed since you got that strap on
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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