Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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