so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
