This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
