dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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