Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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