I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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