I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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