Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
