Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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