Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was not drunk enough for that final.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
