At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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