So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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