Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
