Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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