**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
