no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
