Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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