The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
