watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
