I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
