This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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