So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
