Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
