Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
