CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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