drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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