I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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