is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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