Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
