She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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