Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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