normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
