I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
