got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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