Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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