I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
