I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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