Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
