Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
