I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
