You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
