its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
