I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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