the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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