she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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