you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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