I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
