Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
