it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
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I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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