someone threw a dead crab at me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
