I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
