I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
