I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
pray to the hookup gods
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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