i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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