Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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