he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
