I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
