He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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