omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
