The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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