can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
