using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
