..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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