May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
