I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize