Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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