were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
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My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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