Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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