she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
