my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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