I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
